Legal (Pt 11)

"That's a nice view. You're quite good at this, aren't ya?" Logan dok belek camera aku dari tadi. 

Walaupun dalam kepanasan cuaca Malaysia ni, aku tgk Logan tetap cool dengan gaya dia; seluar jeans yg separuh pudar, tshirt plain colour biru gelap, sunglasses sangkut between his collar bones.

So lepas 2 hari duduk penang, kitorg fly ke kuala lumpur because I heard so much about it. Alang2 dah ada kat Malaysia aku nak explore sampai lebam.

"Yeah... it's kinda my thing. Sometimes I sell them. Sometimes I keep some of them in my book, and do some notes."

"Notes?" Logan tgk aku dengan dia punya tell-me-more expression.

"Mhmm. When I go travelling, there's a lot of accidents that can happen. They're like footsteps of where I had been and what I've gone through. Most of em are beautifully plotted in my life journey, but some... they just leave scars."I start remembering those times when I travel here and there. So much that had happened. So much I've accomplished. That made me who I am right now.

"You're very interesting. Whatever you do that makes you happy, please, don't ever stop." He holds my hand and stare me right through my eyes as if he knows, as if he understands. Maybe he does?

"Thanks." I almost shed my tears. Then I blink to stop myself from tearing apart. "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous. Ugh."

Logan tak cakap apa. He just gives me a warm smile.

Malam tu aku penat sangat. Shopping sana shopping sini. Dok ingat Nate dgn Beth kat new york. 

Nasib baik kat KL ni aku dapat bilik suite yang ada dua katil. Takdelah aku nak rasa awkward dengan Logan lagi sekali. Haihh. Bila teringat Logan, aku jadi takut. I know, I've fallen for him. Tapi aku rasa aku dah serik. I'm tired of relationships that doesn't last long. The longest relationship I've had with a guy is 7 months. And we broke up 2 years ago. 

Why is it so hard?

"Raisya?" Aku terus pusing kepala aku kat arah Logan. Muka dia pucat habis bila dia nampak muka aku. Alamak. Kenapa ni? Ada hantu ke belakang aku?!

"Are you crying?" Logan tanya dengan nada terkejut. Hah?! Aku nangis ke?! Bila masa air mata aku terkeluar?!

"What? Uhm. No. No, i wasn't crying. I was just... watching this movie." Serentak aku dengan Logan tengok tv kat depan katil aku. Hadehhh.

"You cried watching The Simpsons?" 

"Errrr.... it was hilarious." Aku cuba sedaya upaya bagi alasan.

Logan senyum. Walaupun dia pakai sweatpants dengan tshirt je, hot gila. Tiba2 dia jalan ke arah aku dengan senyuman menggodanya. 

"You know... I'm a good listener. You can spill your sorrow and share it with me. I'll not judge. I promise."

Dan... aku pun mula bercerita.

Legal (Pt 17, Final)

"Logan, can you go get some groceries for me?"

"Anything for you, baby." Logan fetches his car keys and goes upstairs.

"Leila, you want to go out with daddy?" He swoops Leila and swings her around. Leila giggles while drops her crayon down onto the floor.

"Yes, please." Leila replied with her cute voice.

"Go and ask mummy for the grocery list."

Leila runs towards me as fast as her short feet can go. I gave her the list and a very loving kiss on her forehead. Logan then gave me a kiss.

They both go out and do some groceries.

I sit at the dining room. Looking back 4 years ago how we struggled finding a perfect life in Penang, it was hectic. We had several fights and almost give up. I never pushed Logan too hard because i know he needs me.

Finally we got a place thanks to my mum and dad. Logan was so caring and loving when I got pregnant, until now - we have a child named Leila who Logan cares so much about. He's very soft and good at handling Leila (and me).

I have never seen the 'Ted Evans' side of Logan. And hope never will. I only know Logan De Witte (my last name).

I never thought a serial killer can be a loving father, and a great husband, friend, companion and so much more. I now realized, love is powerful. So powerful even when it's illegal, it's legal.

Legal (Pt 16)

We packed so little things. Fewer than i usually bring when i go backpacking. There's this little tinglings in my stomach that i can't explain what it is. You know that feeling when you're going to do something bad? It's not that kind of feeling. This is absolutely different.

I'm helping a murderer escape. It's very wrong, very illegal. But it feels right.

"Ready?" Logan asks.

"I don't think i have a choice."

He kept quiet.

We get out of the cab and head into the airport. We went seperately like we planned. I act as normal as i can in front of the officers, the workers and everybody around me. I feel so bad for helping this murderer escape.

Finally and surprisingly, everything went smoothly. I can't believe this though. Ted Evans is out of the building, ladies and gentlemen.

"You okay?" Logan takes a seat beside me because no one was sitting there.

"Yeah."

We talk but not for long. It feels different talking with him after i know the truth. How can i go through this? Have a life? With a serial killer? Just... how?!

If it's too hard for me, why did i agreed in the first place? Maybe because of what we did in Penang for the first time made me believe that he's a nice guy. I still can't believe he's a murderer.

"Logan?"

"Yes?"

"Why me?"

He doesn't answer.

"I put a lot of trust in you, you know?"

He nods. And i didn't say a thing.

"I don't know what I'm feeling. But i like this feeling. I feel calm. Relaxed. I'm not anxious. I feel... I'm..."

He stops, looks at me and continues, "in love."

Great. He's confessing now. Just great timing. Ugh.

I do not reply. I lay my head backward and closed my eyes. And hope everything's going to be fine.

We arrived in Penang.

Ahhhhh... the memories.

"I'm beginning to like this place," says Logan with his shining ocean blue eyes. I smiled.

"I was longing for that smile," he adds.

"Really?"

"Of course."

"So... what do we do now?"

We both had no idea what to start with. But what do we know is that Logan had escaped from the police. And we're going to start a new life here. Even though I'm not fully putting my trust on him, but deep down, i know I'm in love too.

Legal (Pt 15)

"You're crazy." I conclude. Logan is totally out of his mind. Well, he's always out of his mind I assume. But, this... this is crazy to the next level.

"It's going to work. I promise." he holds my hand and stares through my soul. Seriously, what do I expect from a murderer's promise? Really, Rae? Come on. 

"What if we get caught?"

"We won't. Just pretend like we're in a movie." 

"But we're not in the movies, Log... Ted." Okay, now it's getting awkward. Nak panggil Logan ke Ted? Nak panggil Logan tapi nama dia Ted. Nak panggil dia Ted tapi Ted pembunuh. 

"Uhm. Okay, I know this is going to work. Believe me. Let me clear things up again. We go buy a ticket for each of us. But we pretend we don't know each other. Just in case I get caught so you don't have to be involved. We'll meet at the airport after arriving. And let's just live there for the rest of our life."

Apparently my mouth can't cooperate with my brain. There's too many questions but I just can't talk right now. 

"But, where are we going?" Finally I can talk. 

"Where do you want to go?" Oh, his relaxed blue eyes. I'd die for that stare. I suddenly wondered what did he do to get his victims to follow him and then kill them. Oh, the chills. The thought of Logan... I mean Ted, killing people is just beyond my imagination. He's so kind, so sweet. How is he a dangerous murderer?

"... Paris is a great place too. I mean, if you like, we can go live there. I lived there for about four months. It's cool. But I can't speak French. Or maybe we can go to Canada. Canada is a great place right? The people, the weather. We can go watch hockeys on the weekends..." 

I got lost when he starts babbling about places. 

Where exactly I want to live with this man? A new place? A new life? But where? How can I live in a new place where I've never been before? Or... maybe I know where.

"I think I know where we should go spend our life." Aku tiba-tiba mencelah bila dia dah membebel sampai negara German. 

"Oh, where?"

"Penang."

I wait. There's that unsure look from his eyes. But suddenly his brows relaxes and I see a hint of smile from his to-die-for lips. 

"That'd be a great start. Or maybe not a start. Let's finish what we've started." 

That smile again. 

Legal (Pt 14)

"No, Logan. I know nothing about you. Why don't you tell me who you are, Logan?" aku tekankan nama Logan dia tu.

"You know who I am. I'm Ted. Ted Evans." Oh, no. Please don't. You're not Ted Evans. You're Logan. My Logan.

I keep quiet. I don't know what to say. I'm all blank.

Logan calmly closes the door and locks it. He comes nearer. And nearer. His eyes, full of fear, sorrow, confusion.

"Raisya. I'm Ted. I was always Ted. I kill people, and I get the satisfaction of doing it. I'm addicted. The cops, they want me!" This is the first time I hear him shout at me. His eyes shut and I can see his fists clenching. I'm beyond scared. I know I'm dying tonight.

Then, he releases a heavy breath. Almost like a sigh, or a cry? What's with this man? I just keep quiet.

"But when I'm with you... I'm someone else. I'm Logan. I feel... normal. All the strange feelings that I've had, they're all gone." I don't know if he's beong honest or his diluted eyes is casting a spell on me.

Tengah kitorang main mata tiba-tiba ada orang ketuk pintu.

"This is the cops. Please open the door!"

Great. This is just fucking great. What else? Aku bet ada helicopter tunggu kat luar. Bagus. Memang bagus.

"Raisya, please. Look at me. I swear I'm telling the truth. You're the only one who can help me. Please, Raisya. Stay with me." Oh my goodness. Is that tears in his eyes?!

Fuck all this. Nak percaya ke mamat ni?! Dia ni pembunuh! Entah-entah lepas aku tolong nanti dia bunuh aku. Tapi, kalau aku tak tolong dia... siapa boleh tolong mamat ni? Ah, fuck it.

"Yes, officer? How can I help you?"

"Yes, ma'am. Does Ted Evans live hear?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just moved in here. I'm not familiar with the last owner of this apartment."

"Do you mind if we take a look around, ma'am?"

"Sure." Aku bukak pintu luas bagi dua orang polis ni masuk. Jantung aku macam nak terbolos daripada dada aku. Tapi aku control je muka. Mata aku ke sana sini cari Logan. Lincah jugak mamat ni. Kejap je aku bagi masa.

Dalam 2 minit lepas tu polis tu give up.

"We're very sorry for disturbing you. Thank you for your time. Good evening, ma'am."

I smiled politely.

That was so close. Aku ni dah gila ke bersubahat dengan pembunuh?! Si Logan ni aku tak faham betul lah. Macam manalah boleh terlepas kat airport. Cakap pasal dia, yang dianya mana. Tak kan lari. Sia-sia aku subahat.

"You saved me." Termengah-mengah aku tengok dia ni. Entah mana-mana je lah dia sorok.

"That depends. Are you going to save me?"

He smiled a carefree, vacationy, Logany smile. I like this version of him.

"I'd save you even it'll cost my life." Heh. I don't know what to feel since I'm hearing this from a murderer.

"So... what now?"

Legal (Pt 13)

It can't be. This is all not true. It's a lie. But, why? Why would he lie to me? Kenapa aku?! Kenapa dia acted normal macam takde apa yang salah? Dia nak bunuh aku ke? Tapi, kalau dia nak bunuh aku, kenapa dia tak bunuh terus? Fuck it. Where the hell is my phone?! I need to talk to Beth.

So I start dialling. Ugh. Voice mail. "Beth, I need to talk to you now. Where the hell are you guys?!" Aku matikan lepastu terus campak atas kerusi. I lock all the doors and windows, close the curtains and stand still. What should I do now?

I try calling Nate. "Hello?" Lega gila dengar suara Nate.

"Where the fuck are you guys?!!" I yelled.

"Calm down. We're at Logan's. He said he would've invited you but you looked damn ass tired."

Fuck. The chills run up my spine. My legs are barely holding me up.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out of there." I can't see but I'm positively sure that my face is dead pale.

"What? Why? We're having dinner. Shit! Beth!" and of course... the line ended. Oh my dear god! What am I supposed to do?! What the hell am I supposed to do?! I don't even know where Logan lived. How am I going to do this.

Okay. Bertenang. Tarik nafas dalam dalam. Aku masuk bilik Beth trying to search for things. Luckily, aku jumpa phone dia. Thank god, Beth is one careless motherf. I searched through her text. An address. This must be it.

Aku dah tak fikir apa-apa aku terus amek kunci kereta and drive like an asshole. Fuck. Fuck Logan. Fuck Ted Evans. Fuck me. Fuck everything!

Well, this does not make sense. I thought I'm going to tempat2 terpencil tersorok celah-celah semak. But, this is a crowded street full off people. Then I park and bolt up to the apartment. Macam nak pecah pintu apartment tu aku kerjakan. Several knocks after that, baru ada orang bukak pintu.

There he is. My prince charming. Oh, how could a man this perfect be a murderer? All the sweet talks. It came back to me. He's not a murderer. He doesn't kill people. He wouldn't.

"Logan?"

"Raisya." The way he calls my name. I almost forgot why I'm here. Wait, why I'm here? Oh, yes.

"Where the fuck is my friends?!" My voice is all over the hallway.

"They're gone."

"What do you mean they're gone?!" Aku tolak dia masuk. Aku cari kelibat Nate ngan Beth. But they were nowhere to be found.

"They've gone back. We had dinner. And they went back. You missed the party." Ish mamat ni. Dia cakap saje je. Macam tak salah langsung. I idly wondered how many people did he killed. And that brings back the chill up my spine.

"I heard Nate was calling for Beth. What happened?"

"Nate knocked down the wine and it spilled over Beth. He was just trying to help."

Aku diam. This is not right. We hold a long silence. I stare into his eyes searching for clues. I feel like my heart is beating like a drum.

"Why are you so worried? What did you think it was? Who do you think I am, Raisya? Tell me. What do you know?"

Legal (Pt 12)

Finally, New York.

Lama tak lama jugaklah aku dgn Logan menjelajah Malaysia. And now, we're back in New York. Ugh. Reality. Sepahit mana, aku kena terima jugak Logan kena kerja lagi 2 minggu. He needs his space and all.

"It was great having you." Aku tengok Logan sibuk dengan luggage dia. Apa aku cakap pun dia tak peduli. "You need any help there?"

"No, no. It's okay. I just got a text from the place where I was offered the job. They need me tomorrow." Langsung tak pandang muka aku. Aku pun rasa bersalah dengan Logan sebab ajak dia pergi vacation. Aku diam je.

"Need a lift?" Finally aku yang bukak mulut tanya.

"It's okay. I've texted my friend to fetch me. I think he's here now." And right on queue, his cell rings.

Dia start cakap dgn kawan dia and waves at me. Hm. Sure. Goodbye. Nice travelling with you, too.

Aku malas2 balik apartment. Well, that was a bummer. Entah2 Logan baik dengan aku sebab nak g cuti free je kot. Ugh, guys. There's always something wrong with them. Manalah lelaki-lelaki baik pergi dalam dunia ni?

I unpacked my clothes and bring out the souvenirs i bought for Nate and Beth. Speaking of which, where the hell are they? It's freakin 9 in the morning... on a Saturday. Aku tak percayalah diorg ni productive sangat sampai pukul 9 dah keluar. Whatever. I take a bath, put on my sweater and jump on the sofa. And the evening goes by.

*cellphone rings*
What? What time is it? I take a glance on the clock. It's 7 in the evening. Kepala aku rasa macam kena hempap lori. Pening. Malas2 aku pun capai phone. Mum?

"Hello, mum?" my voice sounds very curious.

"Oh, my baby! Oh, dear. I'm so glad to hear your sweet voice. Are you okay?" What? My mum sounded very sad but relieved. Her voice is trembling. Almost like a cry.

"Mum, I'm okay. What's wrong?"

"Somebody told me you were captured by a psychotic murderer. And some told me they saw you in Malaysia. Were you there?"

"Um... yea... I, I just got back from Malaysia. But I'm fine. Why?"

"Oh, darling. How many times did I told you not to go there? Did you travelled alone?"

"No. I was with my friend." Oh, god. Where is this going to? Please, mummy. Just get to the point.

"Do you know any guy named Ted Evans?" she asks cautiously, anxious for my answer.

"No. Who is he?"

"He's the murderer." What? I don't know any Ted Evans. Who the fuck is this man? Apa kaitan dia dengan aku? Manalah mummy dpt info-info mcm ni. I kept quiet as I can hear there's more from my mum. "And they said... you were with him in Malaysia."

My heart is pounding so hard, I can almost hear my pulse. I end my phone call with mum and sit back. I need to get my shit together. Breathe in....out.... in.... and out. Phew. Okay. I know this is all a lie. This is not happening. Mungkin mummy tersalah orang. Or her family in Malaysia just hate her that much. Of course, i went to google and searched for Ted Evans. I wait... wait... and wait.

My heart stops.
I cannot believe my eyes.
It's Logan.